By Mack Rights
We, at the Frederick Douglass Foundation, have found another transcript of a Spicy Feldman-hosted round table. While it takes place in the future, like all Spicy Feldman transcripts, it actually deals with an issue that has just happened. There’s been some sort of time warp apparently. Recently, a Muslim shot up a gay nightclub in Orlando, FL, killing nearly fifty people and wounding and maiming at least another fifty. Needless to say, our heartfelt prayers and love go out to all the dead and injured. While it’s pretty obvious that the killer, having sworn allegiance to Islamic State before completing his slaughter, was motivated by Islam, many in the media and politics have decided that the real fault belongs with the Christians, especially the Christian Republicans who like owning guns. The Frederick Douglass Foundation is not responsible for the thoughts and words of these people from the future talking about something in the present. But we do think it’s very interesting. Enjoy.
Spicy Feldman: This is Spicy Feldman of Neo-Pinko Radio, your government-funded radio for liberals who don’t see anything anti-gay about voting for a party that has fully submitted to Islam. Today, I’m back in Utopia, NY for a round-table conversation with our old friend Imam Hamed Hussein, Rainbow Saki, the lesbian spokesbabe of the State Department, the always intolerant Christian missionary Mark David, my gay black producer Bruce and then, we’ll be joined by a very special guest Hamed the Procurer. Hamed the Procurer is in charge of gathering 72 virgins for the martyrs of Islam. The last time we spoke with him, he was explaining how hard it has become to procure so many virgins due to rape, promiscuity, polygamy, pedophilia, pederasty and pornography. However, he did explain how he’s been persevering by offering virgin men and children to the martyrs. It’s not as sexy as some might think, but a virgin is a virgin is a virgin, and if you’ve got 72 of them, who’s complaining, right Imam?
Imam Hamed Hussein: Shut up you Jewish pig. Your commentary on the problems within the Islamic world are completely useless and unwelcomed. We have plenty of virgins. Martyrs have nothing to fear about the words of this sewer-mouthed whore.
Spicy: Oh Imam, you’re always flirting with me. I love how you see me as such a sex symbol. If you’re not careful, one of these days I’m going to put on a full-length burka and make you watch me dance on a stripper pole. And I’m not even gonna take my burka off.
Imam: Your words prove my point, you filthy infidel whore.
Spicy: I’m warning you Imam. I’m gonna do it. But let’s get to our topic. Today, we want to figure out who is to blame for the massacre of all those gay people in Orlando. Everybody has an answer, some don’t agree. Let’s start with President Obama.
Imam: Peace be upon him.
Spicy: Yes, peace be upon him, whatever. He said in reference to all the dead: “Say a prayer for them and say a prayer for their families — that God give them the strength to bear the unbearable. And that he give us all the strength to be there for them, and the strength and courage to change. We need to demonstrate that we are defined more — as a country — by the way they lived their lives than by the hate of the man who took them from us.” Who’s the president blaming?
Rainbow Saki: Let me take this. I am the official representing the administration after all. First of all, the president also said that this terrorist attack was quote home-grown extremism unquote. This means he blames America for being such an uptight and intolerant nation that it produces its own extremists. Like this one here in Orlando. But, then, in his prayer, he asked us to pray that we define this country by the way that the dead lived. Since they, like myself, lived as homosexuals, he’s saying that we, as a nation, should be gayer.
Imam: Shut up you lesbian pig turd crawling with maggots. President Obama, peace be upon him, was saying no such thing. In his prayer, he was praying that we, as a country, have the quote strength and courage to change unquote. President Obama wants this country to have the courage to change so that it is more palatable to us in the Islamic world. He doesn’t care about gay people getting killed. He just wants the Muslim world to know and understand that he likes us the best.
Mark David: I beg to differ.
Spicy: Uh Oh. Here we go. What’s the racist homophobic Islamophobe have to say?
Mark David: Nothing too juicy Spicy. I just want to say that I think Obama is torn here. This is an attack on the second most powerful Democrat-Party constituency by the most powerful Democrat-Party constituency. Right before an election. This could be devastating to Hillary’s chance to carry on his full transformation of America into something that not one of our Founding Fathers ever would have even conceived of in their scariest of nightmares.
Spicy: Interesting. But you think that the LGBT XYZPDQ constituency is the second most powerful constituency of the Democrat Party? I always thought it was the liberal Jewish constituency.
Mark David: Oh, to some extent you’re right, but the liberal Jewish constituency has been annexed by the Big Gay Agenda. There’s really not a thing the two constituencies differ on, other than maybe how much they love their Muslim friends after this massacre.
Producer Bruce: That’s kind of racist don’t you think? I would think that we in the black constituency is the biggest.
Mark David: Of course the black constituency is the biggest, but it isn’t powerful. Any seat they have at the table is barely token, they are the most taken for granted constituency, the most ignored and the most patronized. They’re running around screaming “Black Lives Matter,” and the rest of the country, including the Democrats in power, is telling them to shut up. When taking that into consideration, no one in their right mind would think the blacks have the most power in the Democrat Party. If they did, the blacks wouldn’t be struggling right now and watching their share of the welfare dollars be siphoned off to feed, house, clothe and medicate the waves of illegal aliens? Illegal Immigrants are getting paid more in total per-capita welfare dollars than any actual American of any race. Think about it Bruce.
Spicy: Quiet down Mr. Christian. You’re always trying to make us think. Did you ever think that maybe some of us don’t want to think? It sounds to me like Obama’s blaming the Christians for creating such and intolerant world for gays, and because they’ve done that, he’s going to take their guns away, like he should have a long time ago. You’re gonna get what you’ve got coming to you Mark David.
Rainbow Saki: Exactly Spicy.
Spicy: Now, on to Hillary. In an interview with Chris Cuomo, she brushed off the shooter’s connections to Islam, radical Islam or Jihadism. She had no desire whatsoever to make that absurd connection. Instead, she lamented that we haven’t reached out more to the Islamic community and the fact that there’s no ban on .50 Caliber weapons.
Imam: While I don’t think a woman should be president, she is correct. America is a cesspool of intolerance created by Christians who lack the appropriate respect and admiration for Muslims, their betters.
Rainbow Saki: Exactly right your exalted one. I want to reach out to you right now.
Imam: Unhand me you infidel talking herpes sore with legs. You’re fouler than the sewer system of hell. Never touch me again or I’ll slit your throat and pour your blood in the dough of the heathen Jew’s Matzah bread. Then I’ll feed it to Spicy.
Mark David: Your aggression Imam is uncalled for. I suggest you apologize. Regarding Hillary, no one has a .50 caliber gun except the military. They’re never used in shootings on American soil. Hillary doesn’t know what she’s talking about. As well, of course she’d say nothing about the Islamic world. It is the most powerful constituency of the Democrat Party, and she needs their support. Besides, it has come to light that the Saudi Princes have funded 20% of her campaign. The last thing she’d do is burn that bridge. She may be stupid, but she’s not so stupid as to bite the hand that feeds her. She’s bought and paid for by the terrorists. Ask the people of Benghazi- oh wait, she let them die. The Clintons know money, and the Saudi’s have the money.
Imam: Yes we do. She’s bought, paid for, and she’s all ours.
Mark David: So you admit you’re a terrorist?
Imam: No, no, no, terrorist is just another word for Muslim, and I’m a Muslim. You know what I mean.
Spicy: Be that as it may, let’s get to other opinions. The New York Daily News blames the NRA. Not exactly a bunch of liberals. The New York Times blames opposition to transsexuals in the bathrooms. That’s Christians. Sally Kohn, our favorite Jewish lesbian, blames Christians. The Huffington Post blames everybody but radical Islam, meaning the Christians. Even Republican House Majority leader Paul Ryan, who called Donald J. Trump a racist, refuses to entertain the thought that this means we should put a moratorium on Muslim immigration. Apparently, he too, blames the intolerance of Christians. The ACLU blames Christians. What say you Mark David, when even Paul Ryan is blaming Christians? It looks like you and your intolerant ilk are to blame, doesn’t it?
Mark David: It’s funny, I feel like Donald Trump when he pointed out that Obama is angrier at Trump than at the shooter. I’m not surprised that Hillary-Clinton-spokesperson Paul Ryan sides with Obama and the enemies of Christianity. He’s a globalist liberal, but who am I to argue with all these leading lights of the liberal movement, I guess? Any group who sees a Muslim declare allegiance to ISIS and then kill a bunch of gay night clubbers as the fault of Christians shouldn’t be argued with. How can one argue with such logic?
Rainbow Saki: Exactly Mark David. I’m glad you’re coming around.
Spicy: We have to take a break, but when we get back, I have Mark Schmukerberg on the line. He’s the CEO of Facebook.
[Break in transcript]
Spicy: We’re back. This is Spicy Feldman of Neo-Pinko Radio, your government-funded radio for animal lovers distraught that Donald Trump is bringing the illegal aliens out of the shadows right before deportation season begins if we can’t drag Hillary back into the White House. On the line with my round-table of guests is Mark Schmuckerberg of Facebook. I’m I pronouncing that right- Schmuckerberg- like the jelly right? I love jelly.
Zuckerberg: No, it’s Zuckerberg.
Spicy: Oh, well anyway. I still like jelly. But anyway, you did a brave thing after the shooting. You deleted that nasty Islamophobic Jewess Pamela Geller’s “Stop the Islamization of America” page because it’s so hateful to the Muslims. And the Christians are always persecuting them. You’re brave to go up against that powerful dark force, especially after seeing how those Muslims who tried to kill her in Garland, TX were slaughtered at the hands of her Gestapo-like henchmen.
Zuckerberg: Yes, I’m brave. Intolerance like that has no place on the Facebook, and we’ll do whatever we can to maintain a free marketplace of ideas devoid of such pro-American intolerance.
Mark David: If you’re so brave Mr. Zuckerberg, why did you then leave the pro-Taliban shooter’s father’s hateful video messages of hate on the Facebook on the same day that you took down Pamela Geller’s page? Is it because, he, like his son, has ties to the Democrat Party? Is it because there are photos of him with prominent Democrats like Charlie Rangel on his Facebook page?
Spicy: We seem to have lost him. They probably don’t have good phone lines over at the Facebook headquarters. You know, because they’ve got the internet and all. But what about the shooter’s father? As CBS News reports, “The elder Mateen says he was saddened by his son’s actions during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan.” He was obviously offended that his son did this during a religious month, which must mean the man is religious. And then he said, quote “God will punish those involved in homosexuality,” saying it’s, “not an issue that humans should deal with.” Unquote. There’s nothing hateful about that. He’s not calling for the death of homosexuals like the Christians do with all their assault rifles and .50 caliber shootings. The shooter’s dad also claims that the lies about his son being gay are lies. He said, “If he was gay, why would he do something like this?” Who can argue with that?
Mark David: From the several reports that I’ve seen, including from his first wife, he sure does seem to have been gay, but that doesn’t matter. Islam is definitely what inspired him.
Imam: Shut up infidel before I gut you and feed you to the pigs. Muslims aren’t gay, and if he were, and that’s impossible, but if he were, then he was only trying to kill off the infection that the infidels of America had poisoned him with. Homosexuality is created by the Jews and the infidels. It’s a poison used by the Christians.
Mark David: Is that what the religion of peace tells you?
Rainbow Saki: Why do all you racist Christians hate gays so much?
Mark David: I don’t hate gays. I love them. So does Jesus. Jesus loves all the sinners.
Rainbow Saki: I’m not a sinner. I’m a lesbian.
Mark David: We’re all sinners Rainbow.
Rainbow Saki: Well… If you were a baker, you wouldn’t even bake a gay wedding cake.
Mark David: If I were a baker, a gay wedding cake wouldn’t be an option on the list of things I baked. There’s no law that the customers can demand me to produce something that I don’t produce, right?
Rainbow Saki: If you bake wedding cakes, then you bake gay wedding cakes.
Mark David: Those are not the same thing. A wedding cake is a symbolic celebration of God’s institution of marriage. A gay wedding cake is a symbolic middle finger to God and a scar on the soul blackened with sin. Forcing a Christian to bake a gay wedding cake is like suing a Chinese restaurant for not making you a taco.
Rainbow Saki: You Christians are vile.
Mark David: Well, Jesus loves you anyway Rainbow. By the way Imam, how many young boys have you slept with.
Imam: Not many, five or six, not more than fifteen… And some were girls. But I was never only with them one time. I spent numerous times giving them cultural instruction. It’s a cultural thing that you infidels wouldn’t understand because you’re so intolerant. We’re just doing what the Koran tells us to do.
Mark David: So you’re not gay? Muslim men having sex with little boys isn’t homosexual, meaning sex between one sex or gender?
Imam: Of course not.
Mark David: Whatever.
Imam: I’m going to kill you. Duzzzh, Kapow, Zing Zang BaDing Boom boom bam.
[Break in Transcript]
Spicy: We’re back. We apologize for the technical difficulties. While we were gone, security escorted the intolerant Mark David off of Neo-Pinko Radio Studios for being so intolerant that he actually tried to defend himself against the Imam’s efforts to correct him and his intolerance. This is Neo-Pinko Radio, for gosh sakes, the government-funded radio station for liberals who’d be happy to give up their rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for the betterment of relations with the Islamic wing of the Democrat Party. We don’t tolerate self-defense here under any circumstances. Self-defense is what those troglodytes that believe guns have any place in society are always claiming. In any case, we have Hamed the Procurer here in studio. Hello Hamed.
Hamed the Procurer: Hello you Jewish infidel.
Imam: I’m blessed to be in your presence oh great one.
Hamed: Of course you are.
Spicy: Hamed, if it turns out that the shooter was indeed gay, will he still get 72 virgins?
Hamed: Muslims aren’t gay infidel, but he’ll probably get a few extra. This season of virgin procurement has been especially good for me.
Spicy: Really. The last time we spoke, you were having trouble. What’s changed?
Hamed: Well infidel, Planned Parenthood has really stepped up. We saw that they were selling baby body parts to high-protein dog food companies and to Democrat-Party evil Franken-scientists for experimentation. We made a proposal to them. They are selling us virginities.
Spicy: My word. I thought you were all pro-life. You approve of abortion?
Hamed: We celebrate the infidel’s willingness to kill his progeny. That way we don’t have to kill them later. And now we benefit as well. Of course, we do have to pay Planned Parenthood a pretty penny.
Imam: You’re a brilliant man.
Spicy: Are you saying that you are giving unborn fetuses as virgins to these great Islamic martyrs?
Hamed: No you stupid Jew. Do you think we’re sick? We just buy the virginities. Like all Islamic monies that get used as terrorist funds, virginities are fungible. Planned Parenthood gives us certificates of virginity and everything. We just plaster it on a dead infidel an W-allah- another virgin for little Mohammed the martyr.
Imam: My Allah, that’s brilliant.
Spicy: Did you and the State Department know about this Rainbow?
Rainbow Saki: Of course we did. We’re the ones that introduced Hamed to Planned Parenthood. It was good for everyone. The Muslims get virginities to pay their martyrs, Planned Parenthood gets a little extra cash to kill babies, and the Democrat Party gets paid off everyone. We bureaucrats at the State Department get job security. It’s a win win win.
Spicy: Terrific. Fantastic. Magnificent. That’s a government that’s working efficiently. That’s all the time we have today. This is Spicy Feldman of Neo-Pinko Radio, your government-funded radio for liberals worried about the lack of virgins to pay off the noble Islamic warriors willing to give up their lives in order to teach America to change enough, as Obama prays, so that the Islamic world will like us more and no longer need to kill us because of all the intolerant Christians who are definitely responsible for the shooting of all those good gay people by that poor tortured Muslim boy in Orlando. Neo-Pinko Radio, doing our duty to unmask Jesus on a daily basis.
[End of Transcript]