By Mack Rights
I wonder if they realize that Obama isn’t God.
In the wake of the San Bernadino slaughter, it might be time to be more explicit about what exactly a Holiday Party is. Either that, or we need to stop inviting supposed Moderate Muslims to our Holiday Parties.
Apparently, Happy Holiday sounds way too much like “Appy Allah-Day,” which is apparently what our so-called moderate Muslim was saying to all his co-workers at what he apparently thought was an “Allah-Day” Party.
Since we don’t really know what happened at the party, I’ll have to improvise, and this is how I imagine it all went down. And because, as our very own Chaplain Ayesha contends, I am a jerk face, this might offend some people, but then I’ll get to the really important question I want everyone to ask themselves.
So, I imagine that our Moderate Muslim, being totally like the moderate Muslim he always was of course, was walking around the room wishing everyone, “Appy Allah-Day, Appy Allah-Day, Appy Allah-Day.”
Then he got to a Christian who said, “Merry Christmas.”
Cue the sound of needle scraping across a vinyl record. For those too young to know what a phonograph or a record player is, ask your mama. “What did you say you filthy Jesus-loving pig?”
“I said Merry Christmas. Jesus died for your sins too.”
“Shut up you foul-smelling AIDS-infected monkey-butt herpes corpuscle of a Jew lover. This is an Allah-Day Party. I was invited to a party to celebrate Allah- the one true god. Not the gods of your satanic imaginings, Jew lover.”
“No Moderate Muslim friend. This is a Holliday Party. We celebrate everything because no one’s willing to admit that only one God should be celebrated.”
“What’d you say Jew lover? No one’s willing to admit that only one god should be celebrated? I’ll show you, pig.”
And that’s when he left the party and we know the rest of the story. Maybe we don’t really know the rest of the story, but that’s another story.
Bottom line, I think these Moderate Muslim Terrorists were a part of a bigger plan because they left so many of the pipe bombs in the apartment. This was just a spur of the moment Muslim outburst, but we’ll leave the truth to be hidden and covered up by our politically-corrected-up Federal Bureau of Incompetence. Nonetheless, that’s not as important as maintaining an excuse to blame Christians and Jews for deserving to be the victims of Muslim terrorism out of their offensive habit of refusing to worship other gods.
Here’s a Question: Why are Muslims the only minority group that needs to use the term “moderate” in order to assuage the rest of us?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Cafeteria Catholics who divorce frequently, have the occasional abortion and the occasional homosexual fling, but they’ll never condemn the true Catholics?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Feminists, the kind of feminist that doesn’t carry a cigar cutter in her purse to be used as a penis-guillotine the moment a man oversteps his bounds, but that will never criticize the actual feminist penis executioners?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Homosexuals, the kind of homosexual that refuses to have sex with anyone younger than the age of majority, but that will never criticize their homosexual friends that do have sex with children?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Rapists, the kind of rapist that is kind enough to use a condom, but that will complain about the fact that they have to pay for their own contraception because they can’t afford Obamacare?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Blacks, the kind of black that doesn’t call for the killing of cops and whitey, even though black lives do indeed matter?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Hispanics, the kind that actually learn English, that work for the wages offered instead of wages under the table, and that don’t make any hateful demands of the Gringos that are losing their jobs to those willing to work under the table?
Are Moderate Muslims like Moderate Asians, the kind of Asians that are so bad at math that they actually bring the college grading curve lower so the average white guy can get a B?
When your religion is so bad that you need to call yourself moderate just to mandate acceptance, it might be time to get a new religion. In “Prepare for the Izlombie Apocalypse,” I wrote about the Muslim Soul Reclamation Centers that we Christians call churches. If you’re a “Moderate Muslim” with the ever-increasing desire to snap and become a true Muslim, it might be time to get thee to a church and find out what Jesus has to offer you.
Either that or read the fine print on your suicide-bomber contract to discover that the 72 virgins eagerly awaiting you in the afterlife are actually all a bunch of hairy men who never got to have the love of a woman because the men offering you the contract have horded all the wives. In fact, if you read the fine-fine print, you might discover that you are actually agreeing to serve Allah as a virgin for some future suicide terrorist. In other words, you’re screwed either way- sounds like a crappy deal to me.
Bottom line, the lesson is this. Moderate Muslims are only moderate until they are called to act or until they’ve died without having committed the terrorism that their god demands. While Muslims are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law, in the court of public opinion, they are not entitled to be considered anything other than guilty of worshipping a god that commands them to kill us infidels. Just because Moderate Muslims too often become willing to commit suicide in order to kill the infidels, we infidels need to admit that it is indeed cultural suicide to continue to cast a blind eye on this obvious truth about Islam.
Peace doesn’t come by mandating that infidels pretend to believe a bunch of nonsense. Peace will only come when these so-called Moderate Muslims get their Islamic house in order. If you’re really moderate, get off your prayer rug and prove it. Otherwise, shut up about the fact that no one trusts you or likes you.